We've learned English.2, us Venutians were ready to take on the new migrant visitors of the season.
This was our policy when dealing with these Earth-natives:
Tolerance
Assistance
Communication and Departure [which was essentially one in the same.]
Whenever utilizing TACD, the goal is to impress upon the visitors that we would greatly appreciate it if they would just get on their peachy keen high horse and go on home to the big gig in the sky, and some of their sayings would dictate.
Visitor shuttle no. 187.3 [as only .7 of a shuttle managed to land last time after a bad crash] was beginning to board. Coupling mechs were beginning to drag along the archaic facade of the new shuttle.
My script wand tapped and rattled impatiently along the snap-not board, while a quip stirred in my mind. I leaned toward ensign Trak, both of us still out of earshot:
"I think we're gonna need a bigger boat," I noted, as a hoard of tourists hobbled off of the craft and onto this alien gravity. [It needs to be noted that our station was equipped with grav-adjusters, so there was no difference to them from Earth, but perception is a strong thing.] As Trak and I had both taken colloquial training, he responded to my quip with one of this own:
"Bout time to hit the old dusty trail."
We chuckled. Colloquial speak was so very jovial.
The occupants had departed, the first step of the TACD was beginning as we observed them filling the viewing room. They were allowed to visit for a max of 24 hours, and their present group itinerary called for just that period of time. This amount of time would pass before we would be communicating their departure.
These tourists came annually, all to stay in this Earthling-friendly holding cell to gaze upon our Sun, marvel at the nearest coronal emissions that had ever seen.
Venutians often learned colloquialisms this way:
"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle."
"It's like I can touch it."
"Oh my God!"
"Mooooommm!"
"Oh, John, I love you. What a honeymoon."
We never learned just want kind of celestial body a Honey Moon was, but certainly it was held dearly to Earthling tradition.
Ensign Trak and I merely smiled and looked on at these odd alien visitors, nodding. At times, they asked us questions:
"How close are we?"
to which we responded "Closer than a cat on a hot tin roof!"
Other times they asked: "Where is the bathroom?"
and we would say "'round the corner and if you've hit the dairy farm at the fork in the road you've gone too far."
Our favourite query was this: "What's your name?"
and we would say "What's in a name. Mine is Arose Byany Other."
You see, we had a wonderful grasp on Earth language and colloquialisms alike. We knew a few things for certain of their kind: they were as dim as their planet, so far from our Sun, and they found great comfort in these sayings. With each response we gave, they walked away with the most returning smile, and walking away was a lovely sign.
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The 24-hours were up, at least in Earth hours, and we began to Communicate. IT was my turn to present the speech prepared:
"Welcome to my humble abode, we hate to see you leave but love to watch you go. This is our house, in the middle of the street, come back again, ya hear? IT's raining cats and dogs in here, so let's use some elbow grease, hit the nail on the head, and depart in T-minus five minutes."
As usual, their uncanny faces took on a hesitant gaze, where they would stand, board the vessel, never to be seen on the face of Venus again. They never really looked alien to us, all so very similar to us visually... Too similar. Culturally, we were galaxies away.
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After our surreal trip to Venus, Amy and John were ready to get back home for a real honeymoon. They had had enough of down-south phrases, movie-quotes and an overall awkward encounter with these beings. So human in looks, but the similarities ended there. They had no family, no mass media, no real names, no romance. John grasped his wife's hand as they left the orbit of the clone-inhabited planet of Venus.
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You see, us Venutians don't enjoy company. We tolerate company to maintain peace. We assist their stay. We communicate their departure. We do a good job in making these wanna-be Venutians leave.
We use TACD.
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